my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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