Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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