She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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