Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
