Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your penis caused this!
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