He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
