Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
