Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm too high and old for this...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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