Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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