if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can't just leave with hair like that
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
