Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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