so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
