Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
