Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
