Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
