Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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