so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
