All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
