My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
