matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
