Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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