I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
