I wish I only lived at night.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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