I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
