So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
