That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
