is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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