"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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