finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
