idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
