At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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