i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
