If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
