Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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