What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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