paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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