he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
