Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
