oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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