new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
