where does the pee come out of this thing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
