I skipped work to stalk him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
