I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
