already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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