Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
