I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
