I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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