my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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