i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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