Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
