Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize