It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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